1
00:00:00,735 --> 00:00:03,736
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
2
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:19,744
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
3
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:35,338
SOMETIMES LIFE
CAN BE SUCH A GRIND.
4
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,440
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
5
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:40,176
THAT'S WHY I LIKE TO GET
OUT EVERY NOW AND THEN
6
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,212
AND SWING A LITTLE.
7
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,346
AAH!
8
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,682
SO MUCH FOR HIS FAMILY TREE.
9
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,818
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
10
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,821
TONIGHT'S TALE
CONCERNS A YOUNG WOMAN
11
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,557
WHO'S ABOUT TO DO A
LITTLE SWINGING OF HER OWN.
12
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:58,194
SHE WANTS TO PROVE THAT
A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND,
13
00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:00,896
BUT EASY TO GET RID OF.
14
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:03,834
I THINK YOU'LL LIKE THIS
LITTLE CHOPPING SPREE
15
00:02:03,858 --> 00:02:07,692
I CALL SPLIT SECOND.
16
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,247
HEY.
17
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,394
Liz: I'D BEEN STRANDED
FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS
18
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:32,996
UP IN THE NORTH WOODS
19
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,899
WHEN I TOOK A JOB WAITING
TABLES AT THE CUMMINGS SALOON.
20
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,122
4 UP.
21
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:45,508
I WAS TRYING TO SAVE
UP FOR A BUS TICKET OUT.
22
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:48,245
THE MONEY WAS TERRIBLE.
AND MOST OF THE TIPS I GOT
23
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,003
WEREN'T THE KIND YOU
COULD STICK IN A BANK.
24
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:56,019
4 ROUNDS IN 20 MINUTES.
25
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,754
WHAT, IS THIS A
SLOW NIGHT, GUYS?
26
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,523
CAN'T YOU HOLD
YOUR DRINK ANYMORE?
27
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,893
LIZ, YOU EVER THOUGHT
ABOUT DOING STAND-UP?
28
00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:06,451
THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT I WAS DOING.
29
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,534
WATCH THIS.
30
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:13,036
I'M GONNA TAKE A BREAK, RAY.
31
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:16,540
HEY, HOW ABOUT
GOING IN MY TRUCK?
32
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,475
I GOT SHEEPSKINS.
33
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,510
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED THEM BETTER
34
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,012
WHEN THEY WERE
STILL ALIVE, BANJO.
35
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,981
YOU SAYIN' YOU DON'T WANT TO?
36
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,517
I'M SAYING JUST 'CAUSE
WE GOT FRIENDLY ONCE
37
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,486
DON'T MEAN I CARE
TO MAKE A HABIT OF IT.
38
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:30,954
WHO YOU KIDDIN', LIZ?
39
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,522
IF I GOT YOU DRUNK ENOUGH,
40
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,124
I'D HAVE YOU OUT IN
MY TRUCK IN NO TIME.
41
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,526
THAT'S REALLY
SWEET OF YOU, BANJO.
42
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,962
LET'S SAVE THE HALLMARK
MOMENT FOR ANOTHER TIME.
43
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,296
HEY, HEY, HEY.
44
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,798
LET'S GO FOR A RIDE.
45
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,066
YOU GOT 10 MINUTES
BEFORE YOU GOT TO BE BACK,
46
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:47,904
MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO
REAPPLY YOUR LIPSTICK, BABY.
47
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,539
YOU...
48
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,541
THE LADY'S NOT INTERESTED.
49
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,064
YOU GOT THAT?
50
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,413
FUCK OFF, DIXON!
51
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,815
DROP THE KNIFE.
52
00:03:58,839 --> 00:03:59,883
DROP IT!
53
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,851
AAH.
54
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:05,789
THIS HOW YOU WANT
TO DIE, SHITHEEL?
55
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,491
Liz: I WASN'T EXACTLY LOOKING
FOR A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR,
56
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,994
BUT I DID LIKE
BEING FOUGHT OVER.
57
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,296
THOSE DAYS, I WAS
GETTING OFFENDED
58
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,398
A LOT MORE THAN I
WAS GETTING DEFENDED.
59
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,235
APOLOGIZE TO THE LADY.
60
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,604
I'M SORRY, MA'AM.
61
00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,439
Dixon: GOOD BOY.
62
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:25,197
NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
63
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,047
HE DIDN'T HURT
YOU, DID HE, MA'AM?
64
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,016
NO.
65
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,252
THAT WAS NICE OF YOU.
66
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,642
THANKS.
67
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,947
CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
68
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:55,371
AFTER A COUPLE OF
DRINKS AND A SLOW DANCE,
69
00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:58,041
HE WANTED ME TO BE HIS WIFE.
70
00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,809
SAID HE HAD MONEY
71
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:03,546
AND THAT HE'D TAKE CARE OF ME.
72
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:06,215
I WAS GLAD HE DIDN'T
USE THE "L" WORD.
73
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,716
IT'S NO COINCIDENCE
74
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:11,821
IT'S THE SAME LETTER
THAT STARTS THE WORD "LIE."
75
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:15,591
I FIGURED, WHAT THE HELL...
76
00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:18,116
AND SAID YES.
77
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,047
STEVE HAD MONEY, ALL RIGHT,
78
00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:39,682
AND A BIG HOUSE
UP ON THE MOUNTAIN,
79
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:42,085
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF HIS LUMBER CAMP.
80
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,488
HE MADE LOVE LIKE
A MOUNTAIN MAN,
81
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,290
WHICH I KIND OF LIKED.
82
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,926
AND IN THE MORNING WHEN
HE GOT UP TO GO TO WORK,
83
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:55,365
I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "I
JUST MIGHT BE HAPPY HERE."
84
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:58,601
SAYS YOU. SAYS YOU.
85
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,603
I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
86
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,771
WHAT'S THAT?
87
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,540
MY GRANDDADDY
USED TO DO THIS WORK...
88
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,277
WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO
89
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,346
ABOUT THE ANNUAL
TOURNAMENT THIS YEAR?
90
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,014
NOW THAT WOLF'S
GONE, WE GOT NOBODY
91
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,016
TO PUT ON THE
WOOD-CHOPPING CONTEST.
92
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,284
SNAZ, YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT...
93
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,619
HEY, ARTIE, I'M TALKING HERE.
94
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,788
SOMEONE JUST SAID THAT
DIXON GOT MARRIED LAST NIGHT
95
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,857
TO ONE OF THE WAITRESSES
DOWN AT CUMMINGS' PLACE.
96
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,426
OH, GET OUTTA HERE. DIXON
AIN'T THE MARRYING KIND.
97
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:24,961
I KNOW, BUT THAT'S
WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.
98
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,297
SAID HE WENT OFF AND
GOT HITCHED TO LIZ KELLY.
99
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,366
YEAH. HER? NO!
100
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,669
WOW. WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW DIXON
101
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,170
WAS INTO SLOPPY SECONDS.
102
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,642
MORNING, GUYS.
103
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,978
HEY, MR. DIXON! HEH HEH.
104
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,013
I JUST WANTED TO
LET YOU ALL KNOW
105
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,315
THAT AS OF NEXT WEEK
WE'LL BE MOVING OVER
106
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,984
TO THE NORTH SIDE
OF THE MOUNTAIN.
107
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,152
THE NORTH SIDE?
108
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,853
THERE'S HARDLY
ANYTHING OVER THERE.
109
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:52,188
I KNOW IT, SNAZ,
110
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,522
BUT THERE AIN'T
NOTHIN' I CAN DO.
111
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,524
THOSE GODDAMN ENVIRONMENTALISTS
112
00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:58,695
ARE TRYING TO PROTECT SOME
FUCKIN' MOTH OR SOMETHING.
113
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,998
EITHER I LAY YOU GUYS OFF
OR WE MOVE OVER THERE.
114
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,666
WE APPRECIATE THAT, MR. DIXON.
115
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,301
BUT IT STILL DON'T
HARDLY SEEM FAIR.
116
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,736
THAT THE ONLY NEWS
YOU GOT FOR US, MR. D?
117
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,238
THERE'S A RUMOR
GOING AROUND CAMP
118
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,408
YOU WENT OFF AND
GOT YOURSELF MARRIED.
119
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,977
CHRIST. WORD
TRAVELS FAST, DON'T IT?
120
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,079
HOLY SHIT! YOU SAYING IT'S TRUE?
121
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,581
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
122
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,350
ALL RIGHT!
123
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,085
DOES THAT MEAN WE
THROWIN' OUT THE RULE
124
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,353
ABOUT NO WOMEN?
125
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,854
I MEAN, I COULD USE
SOMETHING AROUND HERE
126
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:27,856
TO KEEP ME WARM
BESIDES THESE PRICKS.
127
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,858
THE RULE STANDS, GUYS.
128
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:32,094
NO WOMEN AROUND
HERE EXCEPT MY WIFE.
129
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,863
WOMEN CAN BE TROUBLE
IN A PLACE LIKE THIS.
130
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:37,800
HELL, WOMEN ARE TROUBLE, PERIOD.
131
00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:40,270
Liz: STEVE, HONEY.
132
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:41,537
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
133
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,295
YOUR BREAKFAST IS READY.
134
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,478
WHAT THE HELL YOU WEARING?
135
00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:50,479
WHAT?
136
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,883
WHAT THE FUCK ARE
YOU ALL STARING AT?
137
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,818
I DON'T WANT YOU IN
HERE EVER, YOU HEAR ME?
138
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,654
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
THESE GUYS ARE LIKE.
139
00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,478
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, STEVE.
140
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:04,127
LOOK, I TOLD YOU TO DO
SOMETHING, NOW DO IT.
141
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,963
I DON'T WANT THESE SONS
OF BITCHES STARING AT YOU.
142
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,487
SURE, STEVE, WHATEVER YOU SAY.
143
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,672
I DON'T WANT YOU SHITHEADS
STARING AT HER, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
144
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:18,074
AND YOU'D BETTER ACT
LIKE FUCKIN' GENTLEMEN
145
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,843
WHEN THE LADY'S AROUND.
146
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,577
SOME LADY.
147
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:24,247
SHE USED TO SELL HER
MOUTH FOR A NICKEL.
148
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:33,778
SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND?
149
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:37,360
I DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN'.
150
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:40,429
THAT'S GOOD. I THOUGHT
I HEARD SOMEBODY SAY
151
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,265
MY WIFE SUCKED COCK.
152
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,539
WIND PLAYS TRICKS ON YOU.
153
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,429
YOU CAN HEAR SHIT.
154
00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,415
YAH!
155
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:00,817
Man: HEY, HEY, HEY!
156
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,274
AAH!
157
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,461
THIS WHAT YOU SAID MY WIFE DID?
158
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:13,920
HUH?!
159
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,200
MR. DIXON, HE CAN'T BREATHE.
160
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,302
LET HIM GO! HE WAS JUST KIDDING.
161
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,705
NOBODY KIDS ABOUT MY WIFE.
162
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:30,013
YOU ASSHOLES UNDERSTAND?
163
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,837
EVERYBODY, GET TO WORK!
164
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,824
Liz: WHAT IS IT ABOUT MEN?
165
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,826
WHEN THEY WANT
YOU THE FIRST TIME,
166
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,861
THEY DON'T CARE WHAT
ANYBODY THINKS OF YOU,
167
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:48,865
BUT AS SOON AS THEY
THINK OF YOU AS THEIRS,
168
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:52,368
THEY WANT YOU AS PURE
AS THE FUCKING MADONNA.
169
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,073
WHAT IN THE HELL WAS
THE MEANING OF THAT?
170
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,943
I DON'T WANT THEM
STARING AT YOU.
171
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,445
YOU'RE MY WIFE, GODDAMN IT.
172
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,113
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF,
173
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,017
THAT ONE OF THEM MIGHT
FUCK BETTER THAN YOU CAN?
174
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,493
Liz: IT WASN'T THE FIRST
TIME A MAN HAD SCREWED ME
175
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,696
BECAUSE HE WAS JEALOUS.
176
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,365
BUT IT WAS THE FIRST
TIME I HAD HATED IT.
177
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:27,036
AND I FELT THE
BOREDOM COMING BACK.
178
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,371
I CAN TELL YOU FROM EXPERIENCE,
179
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:32,709
THERE'S NOTHING IN THE
WORLD WORSE THAN BOREDOM.
180
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,377
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
181
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:36,879
FOR A WHILE AFTER THAT,
182
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,048
THE MEN WERE AFRAID
TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME.
183
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,883
THERE WERE A LOT OF
THEM DONE A LOT MORE
184
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:43,219
THAN ACKNOWLEDGE ME IN THE PAST.
185
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:46,222
THE WHOLE MARRIAGE THING
HAD WORN THIN IN RECORD TIME.
186
00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:00,503
SORRY TO BOTHER
YOU SO EARLY, MA'AM.
187
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,705
MY NAME'S TED... MORGAN.
188
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:05,908
I COME LOOKING FOR A JOB.
189
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:08,978
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A
FUCKIN' EMPLOYMENT AGENCY?
190
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,480
WELL, NO, MA'AM.
191
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,483
WHAT I MEANT WAS, THIS
HERE'S A LOGGING CAMP, ISN'T IT?
192
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:16,452
Dixon: WHO THE HELL IS THAT?
193
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,142
DON'T KNOW.
194
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,330
YEAH? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
195
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,765
WELL, SIR, I WAS JUST
TELLING YOUR WIFE,
196
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,234
I COME LOOKING FOR A JOB.
197
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:34,404
Liz: MAYBE THINGS ARE
PICKING UP AROUND HERE.
198
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:36,439
LOOKS LIKE A CURE FOR BOREDOM
199
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,441
JUST SHOWED UP AT MY DOORSTEP.
200
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,277
Ted: YEAH, IT'S A
BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.
201
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,413
SO, WHERE YOU BEEN?
202
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,947
WELL, AFTER I LEFT DENVER,
203
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,716
I HIKED UP THROUGH THE ROCKIES
204
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,250
TO THE CANADIAN BORDER.
205
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:50,052
YEAH? WHERE YOU GOING FROM HERE?
206
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,622
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE
OVER TO VANCOUVER,
207
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:54,457
DOWN TO CALIFORNIA.
208
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,358
I'M A LITTLE BROKE
AT THE MOMENT.
209
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,561
I CAN ALWAYS USE AN
EXTRA HAND AROUND HERE.
210
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:10,273
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.
211
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,809
I'M AFRAID I DON'T
CARE FOR THOSE, SIR.
212
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:15,734
HOW ELSE YOU PLAN TO CUT
THESE THINGS DOWN, SON?
213
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,484
GUESS I'M A LITTLE
BIT OLD-FASHIONED.
214
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:25,320
WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT TO DO...
215
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,189
SAY THE WORD.
216
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,213
GO.
217
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,569
WHOO!
218
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:16,205
YEAH! ATTABOY!
219
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,573
HE'S A SPEED MACHINE!
220
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,074
OW! OW!
221
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,310
CALL ME UN-AMERICAN,
222
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,380
BUT WATCHING TED
CHOP THAT TREE IN HALF...
223
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,581
WOW...
224
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:29,084
IT JUST MADE ME
FORGET ALL MY TROUBLES.
225
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:30,586
AND AT THAT POINT,
226
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,489
I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING
FOR A LITTLE EXCITEMENT...
227
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:36,780
OF ONE KIND OR ANOTHER.
228
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:45,600
WHAT DO YOU THINK, MR. DIXON?
229
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:47,569
DECENT.
230
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,439
DECENT? WHAT, ARE YOU
KIDDING? KID'S A GODDAMN BEAVER.
231
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,975
FASTEST CHOPPING
I'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME.
232
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,577
I THINK WE FOUND
OURSELVES A RINGER
233
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,012
FOR THE WOOD-CHOPPING CONTEST.
234
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,147
NOBODY'S GONNA GIVE
THAT KID A SHOT IN HELL.
235
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,382
AIN'T THAT RIGHT, MR. DIXON?
236
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,684
WHO TOLD YOU ASSHOLES
TO STOP WORKING?
237
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,085
GET BACK TO YOUR TREES, NOW!
238
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,788
THIS AIN'T NO FUCKIN' BREAK!
239
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,925
BUT, MR. DIXON, I DON'T GET
IT. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
240
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,426
I'M WARNING YOU,
SNAZ, GET BACK TO WORK
241
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,350
OR I'LL FIRE YOUR FUCKIN' ASS!
242
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:18,133
YOU WANT THE JOB, YOU GOT IT.
243
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:19,802
LET'S GET ONE THING CLEAR.
244
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,337
THAT TOURNEY BULLSHIT'S
ON YOUR TIME, NOT MINE.
245
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,774
ON MY CLOCK, YOU HACK PAY-WOOD.
246
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:25,941
ANY PROBLEMS?
247
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,599
NO PROBLEM, SIR.
248
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,919
MRS. DIXON?
249
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:53,257
HELLO?
250
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,571
MRS. DIXON?
251
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,473
YES? WHO IS IT?
252
00:14:58,497 --> 00:14:59,975
IT'S TED, MA'AM.
253
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:02,744
YOU SAID YOU WANTED A BOX MOVED.
254
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:04,346
WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
255
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,170
I'M UP HERE, TED.
256
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,477
MRS. DIXON?
257
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,713
YOU IN HERE?
258
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,467
MRS. DIXON?
259
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:27,436
I'M IN HERE, TED.
260
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,726
MRS. DIXON?
261
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,645
OH, GOD, I'M SORRY.
262
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,814
I CAN'T REACH THE TOWEL, TED...
263
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:39,870
PLEASE?
264
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,223
HERE YOU GO.
265
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:49,513
THANKS.
266
00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:53,195
WOULD YOU DRY MY BACK FOR ME?
267
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,564
I DON'T THINK I SHOULD
BE IN HERE, MRS. DIXON.
268
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,421
LIZ.
269
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,270
I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU, TED.
270
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:05,474
I JUST WANT YOU TO DRY MY BACK.
271
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,899
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO
GET THE FRONT FIRST?
272
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,014
OH, OK, YOU WIN.
273
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:14,483
BACK FIRST.
274
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,085
LISTEN, I'LL COME BACK LATER.
275
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:19,088
I SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
MR. DIXON WOULDN'T APPROVE.
276
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,223
DON'T MIND HIM.
277
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:22,992
I DON'T.
278
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,261
HE'S MY BOSS, MA'AM.
279
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,229
NO.
280
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:29,053
I'M YOUR BOSS.
281
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,869
I CAN EVEN GIVE YOU A RAISE.
282
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,305
SHIT.
283
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,866
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
284
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:07,269
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T, BUT...
285
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:10,439
YOU GUYS WOULDN'T
BELIEVE HOW HOT SHE IS.
286
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,475
SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
287
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,079
I'M TELLING YOU FOR
YOUR OWN GOOD, MAN,
288
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,447
STAY AWAY FROM HER.
289
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,450
AH, DON'T LISTEN TO
ARTIE. HE'S A FUCKIN' WIMP.
290
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:25,153
I SAY, IF THE PUSSY
WANTS A FRIEND,
291
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:26,389
YOU PET IT.
292
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:31,861
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I OUGHT TO
JUST TAKE MY WAGES AND MOVE ON.
293
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:35,130
AH, SHIT, DON'T LET THAT POCKET
CLIMAX DRIVE YOU AWAY FROM HERE.
294
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,199
SHE AIN'T WORTH IT.
295
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:41,037
BESIDES, MAN, WE NEED YOU IF
WE GONNA WIN THAT TOURNAMENT.
296
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:45,229
COME ON. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
297
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,177
WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT?
298
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,646
HA HA! I LOVE THIS KID!
299
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:54,072
HERE'S TO TEDDY BOY,
OUR ACE IN THE HOLE.
300
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:58,821
I WANT TO KNOW
301
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:03,781
WHICH ONE OF YOU HAS
BEEN FUCKIN' MY WIFE.
302
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:09,398
AIN'T NOBODY BEEN FUCKIN'
YOUR WIFE, MR. DIXON.
303
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,034
BULLSHIT!
304
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,471
I FOUND ONE OF YOUR WORK GLOVES
305
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:20,042
IN MY BEDROOM!
306
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,944
SURE IT AIN'T ONE OF YOURS?
307
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,035
WAS IT YOU?
308
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,951
YOU SEEM TO KNOW AN
AWFUL LOT ABOUT HER.
309
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,453
IT WASN'T ARTIE THAT MADE
THAT CRACK ABOUT YOUR WIFE
310
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,823
THE OTHER DAY,
MR. DIXON. IT WAS ME.
311
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:35,724
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
312
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,660
IT AIN'T MY GLOVE, MR. DIXON!
313
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:40,362
IT AIN'T ARTIE'S! IT AIN'T
TED'S! IT AIN'T ANYBODY'S!
314
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:43,132
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE,
TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF.
315
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:46,868
YOU WERE A HELL OF A GUY
BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED.
316
00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,893
THAT WOMAN'S DRIVING YOU CRAZY.
317
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:55,166
LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
318
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,283
YOU THINK THE LONE
WOLF IS STILL OPEN?
319
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,551
ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.
320
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,386
I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA
GO WITH YOU GUYS.
321
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:05,887
WHY? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
322
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:10,281
I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT.
323
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,042
GOING SOMEWHERE?
324
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:30,245
Liz: HE WAS SO EASY.
MEN ALWAYS ARE.
325
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,247
EVEN THE ONES WHO
ALWAYS WANT TO BE ON TOP
326
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:33,748
JUST LOVE BEING SEDUCED.
327
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:36,707
IS IT SOMETHING
I SAID... OR DID?
328
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:43,291
YOU KNOW, TED, WHEN MY
HUSBAND FOUND THAT GLOVE,
329
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,594
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL HIM.
330
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,697
I SWORE TO GOD I
DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING,
331
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,765
BUT HE JUST WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME.
332
00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:52,101
MRS. DIXON, PLEASE.
333
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,369
COME ON, TED, I'M
NOT ASKING FOR MUCH.
334
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,271
IF I HAVE TO, I'LL TELL
HIM WHOSE GLOVE IT IS.
335
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:57,595
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
336
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,044
I CAN'T DO THIS.
337
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,612
SURE YOU CAN. IT'S EASY.
338
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,448
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CLOSE
YOUR EYES AND LAY BACK.
339
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:09,251
I'LL DO ALL THE HARD WORK.
340
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,120
IT'S NOT RIGHT.
341
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,743
FUCK WHAT'S RIGHT.
342
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,899
I WANT YOU SO BAD, LIZZIE.
343
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,903
YOU WANT IT, DON'T YOU?
344
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,305
OH, GOD.
345
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,512
YEAH.
346
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,614
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?
347
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,605
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?
348
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,342
UHH!
349
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,762
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
350
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,097
OHH!
351
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:58,155
OHH!
352
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:04,039
YOU WANT IT. YOU WANT
IT SO BAD, DON'T YOU?
353
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,507
YEAH.
354
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,544
HUH? OH!
355
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:10,446
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
356
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:13,215
HE FORCED ME! HE MADE ME!
357
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:15,484
SHE'S LYING, MR. DIXON! SHE
CAME HERE TO SEDUCE ME!
358
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,486
AAH!
359
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,521
YAH!
360
00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:22,157
YAH!
361
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,248
YAH!
362
00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,086
YAH!
363
00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:06,401
AARRRRR!
364
00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:07,403
Liz: CUT HIM!
365
00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:09,093
AAH!
366
00:22:12,298 --> 00:22:14,076
Liz: IT WAS THE LAST
THING I WANTED,
367
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:17,079
ESPECIALLY SINCE THE
DOC SAID IT WAS PERMANENT.
368
00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:19,781
BUT WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO, CRY ABOUT IT?
369
00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:23,085
MAYBE IT'S BETTER
TO BE BLIND, ANYWAY.
370
00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:25,087
THE WORLD'S AN UGLY PLACE.
371
00:22:25,111 --> 00:22:26,955
HEY, KID.
372
00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:29,713
IT'S ME. SNAZ.
373
00:22:33,286 --> 00:22:36,598
YOU'RE GONNA BE
OK, YOU UNDERSTAND?
374
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:39,901
WE'RE NOT GOING TO
LET THIS GET YOU DOWN.
375
00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:41,937
NOSIRREE. WE ARE NOT.
376
00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:42,938
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
377
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:45,607
SIT UP. YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.
378
00:22:45,631 --> 00:22:47,109
COME ON.
379
00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:48,444
OOP. WATCH YOURSELF.
380
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:50,812
HERE. YOU'RE GONNA HELP
US WIN THAT TOURNAMENT.
381
00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:54,116
HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA
DO THAT, SEEING AS I'M BLIND?
382
00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,085
YEAH, BUT YOU'RE A NATURAL.
383
00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:57,453
WE'RE JUST GONNA TEACH YOU
384
00:22:57,477 --> 00:22:59,776
A FEW NEW JOB
SKILLS, THAT'S ALL.
385
00:23:03,816 --> 00:23:05,760
YOU KNOW I DON'T
LIKE THESE THINGS.
386
00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:08,630
HEY, HEY, HEY, YOU'RE GONNA
LEARN TO LOVE IT, BUDDY.
387
00:23:08,654 --> 00:23:12,468
BESIDES, WAIT TILL THEY
GET A LOAD OF YOU...
388
00:23:12,492 --> 00:23:14,470
LITTLE STEVIE LUMBER.
389
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:18,109
COME ON WITH US.
YEAH. WE GOT YOU.
390
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:24,613
WATCHING THE MEN WORK
WITH TED BOTHERED ME.
391
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:25,981
WHY WERE THEY SO DETERMINED
392
00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:27,949
TO HAVE HIM IN THEIR
SILLY TOURNAMENT?
393
00:23:27,973 --> 00:23:32,020
DIDN'T THEY ALL HAVE
ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?
394
00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:33,544
YOU CAN DO IT.
395
00:23:41,187 --> 00:23:42,965
DO IT, TED.
396
00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:44,333
AMPUTATE.
397
00:23:44,357 --> 00:23:45,968
MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS MISTAKE.
398
00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:48,503
DO IT, TED. AMPUTATE.
399
00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:50,005
MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS MISTAKE.
400
00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:51,673
DO IT, TED. AMPUTATE.
401
00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,342
MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS MISTAKE.
402
00:23:53,366 --> 00:23:55,010
DO IT, TED. AMPUTATE.
403
00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:56,144
MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS MISTAKE.
404
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:58,847
YEAH, ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, TED.
405
00:23:58,871 --> 00:23:59,948
DO IT, TED-O!
406
00:23:59,972 --> 00:24:01,639
HEY, GO CRAZY, MAN!
407
00:24:07,713 --> 00:24:10,525
YEAH, WHAT IS IT?
408
00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:12,393
MR. DIXON,
409
00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:14,696
TED'S LEARNED A NEW
TRICK HE'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU.
410
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,353
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
411
00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:20,824
WE'D LIKE YOU TO JOIN US, MR. D.
412
00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:25,006
HEY, TEDDY-BOY.
413
00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:27,041
HEY, THIS AIN'T
SO BAD AFTER ALL.
414
00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,043
I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONNA LOVE IT.
415
00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:31,212
NOW WE GOT SOME BIGGER
LOGS FOR YOU TO WORK ON.
416
00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:32,869
YEAH? BRING 'EM ON!
417
00:24:46,585 --> 00:24:48,952
SEE HOW YOU DO WITH THESE.
418
00:24:50,756 --> 00:24:52,400
DO IT, TED-O!
419
00:24:52,424 --> 00:24:53,801
GO CRAZY, MAN!
420
00:25:07,573 --> 00:25:09,417
DO IT, TED-O!
421
00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:10,419
HEY, GO CRAZY, MAN!
422
00:25:10,443 --> 00:25:12,487
HA HA HA HA!
423
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,545
I LOVE THIS KID!
424
00:25:19,418 --> 00:25:21,897
GET 'EM, TED-O, YEAH!
425
00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:26,356
YOU GOT THE OTHER ONE NEXT,
BUDDY. YOU GOT THE OTHER ONE NEXT!
426
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,118
HA HA HA HA HA!
427
00:25:43,142 --> 00:25:45,453
HEY, GUYS, I'M GETTIN'
PRETTY GOOD AT THIS.
428
00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:48,412
YOU GOT ANY MORE?
429
00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:03,105
GREAT WORK, KID. YOU
READY FOR THE NEXT ONE?
430
00:26:03,129 --> 00:26:05,474
Liz: SNAZ AND ARTIE
AND THE BOYS HAD FOUND
431
00:26:05,498 --> 00:26:08,643
WHAT I'D SPENT
YEARS LOOKING FOR...
432
00:26:08,667 --> 00:26:12,647
THE CURE FOR A TERMINAL
CASE OF BOREDOM.
433
00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:14,149
OH, YEAH!
434
00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:18,320
Ted: I FEEL GREAT!
435
00:26:18,344 --> 00:26:20,043
YEAH!
436
00:26:22,014 --> 00:26:23,925
I LOVE YOU GUYS!
437
00:26:32,891 --> 00:26:37,438
MMM. NOW, THAT'S
WHAT I CALL SUSHI ROLL.
438
00:26:37,462 --> 00:26:39,174
I GUESS LIZ WAS RIGHT.
439
00:26:39,198 --> 00:26:42,010
A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND.
440
00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:45,346
ESPECIALLY AFTER HE'S BEEN
CHOPPED INTO SO MANY PIECES!
441
00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:48,950
AH HA HA HA HA HA!
442
00:26:48,974 --> 00:26:50,685
WELL, KIDDIES,
443
00:26:50,709 --> 00:26:54,255
I'VE GOT A LITTLE
CHOPPING TO DO OF MY OWN.
444
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:56,858
IT'S MY PRODUCER'S BIRTHDAY.
445
00:26:56,882 --> 00:26:59,360
HE'S ALWAYS WANTED FINAL CUT,
446
00:26:59,384 --> 00:27:02,197
AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT HE'S GETTING.
447
00:27:02,221 --> 00:27:05,066
AH HA HA HA HA!
448
00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:08,970
AH HA HA HA HA!
449
00:27:08,994 --> 00:27:11,973
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
450
00:27:11,997 --> 00:27:14,998
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE... www.ncicap.org...